Road Fighter - Nintendo Entertainment System

Road Fighter  - sounds exciting!

Game: Road Fighter
Format: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developer: Konami/Palcom
Year Released: 1991
Also released on: Arcade, MSX 
Now available on: Nothing

I've always been interested in bad games. Not because I get some perverse pleasure out of attempting to play them. More that I'm fascinated by what makes them so bad. Is it down to poor design or bad controls? Is it too easy, too hard, totally unfair, completely unfathomable or simply not any fun? What was the reason for games that were so clearly terrible still managing to find their way into shops? Why did nobody at any part of the process between the first code being written to the game being put onto a disc, tape or cartridge say "This is complete shite!" and attempt to stop things from going any further. Was it corporate greed, bad planning, ridiculous deadlines, publisher arrogance or contempt of their customers? In the case of Atari, famous for releasing two of the more notorious bad games, Pac-Man and E.T. The Extra Terrestrial for the VCS, it was probably all of the above. Yes, Atari's apparent "policy" of passing any old garbage off as a video game was partly responsible for the entire gaming industry pretty much imploding in the early 80s in the USA. Arguably, they were helped along this path of self-destruction by Coleco and Magnavox who also appeared to allow their Colecovision and Intellivision consoles to play host to countless cartridges of crap. The inevitable collapse resulted in most console manufacturers exiting the industry, with Atari remaining as the sole survivor, but much smaller and much poorer than they once were.

Nintendo's Fun Box

Filling the void and arriving in America as the saviour of the video game industry were Nintendo with their exciting new grey box of fun, the Nintendo Entertainment System, with Mario and his Bros. in tow and lots of other fab games. The NES quickly became the console that all the kids wanted - mostly because it was the only console available. And to prevent a repeat of what had gone before, Nintendo made the most of their monopoly by restricting the activities of the publishers who wanted to release games for their console. All games had to be released on cartridges manufactured by and purchased from Nintendo, only five games per publisher could be released a year, and the publisher couldn't release the game on a competitor's console for a couple of years. Satisfy the big N and you'd get a gold star slapped on your box signifying that Nintendo had given it their Golden Seal of Approval. As a consumer, this meant that every game released for the NES was going to be of high quality, didn't it? Well, no, not entirely. Although the seal of approval gave consumers the impression that Nintendo had given the game their thumbs-up and that the massive grey cartridge that they had in their hand contained something special, the reality was that the seal was just a way of saying that the publisher had kept to Nintendo's rules. As restrictive (and later illegal) as they were, it can't be denied that Nintendo's measures did definitely result in a marked improvement in the quality of games released and prevented publishers from taking the piss and just shitting out code and claiming that it was a game. The NES is still regarded as one of the best consoles in the history of the gaming industry, and that is largely down to the fact that it had some amazing games released for it, games that remain classics today. This was surely down to Nintendo's tight controls. But, they didn't completely prevent the odd turkey from getting out. Road Fighter, released in 1991, is a good example of a game gone bad. It's also a good example of what happens when publishers find a way around Nintendo's rules, and why the rules were there in the first place. Mean Machines, the UK's most popular console magazine in the early nineties, reviewed the game and gave it a rating of 9%, making a point on the issue's front cover that the magazine contained the "Worst Game Ever". Over two decades later, I still hadn't got around to experiencing the alleged horrors of Road Fighter. Until now. But after taking it for a spin, I have to say that it definitely isn't as bad as the review made out. It's by no means a great game, but it certainly isn't deserving of its 9% score.

Road Fighter is a conversion of an arcade game with the same name. Developed by Konami in the mid eighties, the arcade game was an overhead vertical scrolling driving game from an era of when overhead vertical scrolling driving games were all the rage. The idea is simply to drive along a road, avoid other cars and get to the end of the course before you run out of fuel. Once you're out of fuel, it's game over.

Ever get the feeling you're the odd one out?

The NES conversion remains faithful to its arcade parent in that it also requires you to drive along a road, avoid other cars and try not to run out of fuel. Sounds like my typical drive to work. There are only two tantalising options to choose from, representing easy or hard but called level 1 and level 2 just to confuse you. Once you've picked your level, you're onto the open road. After the starting beeps have beeped, your opponents race off, leaving you behind to start your car and build up speed by pushing down the accelerate buttons. You have a choice of two speeds, slow or fast. Slow in this game is apparently 222 kilometres an hour. Fast is a super speedy 400 km/h. One button allows you to drive "slowly", the other makes you go faster. You can move your car left or right using the d-pad. 

Vrmmmmm....

In most cases, cars just let you pass them. But, some of the drivers are twats and decide to block your way as you approach them to overtake. They tend to drive blue or red cars. The blue cars are probably BMWs and red ones are Audis. Yep, definitely reminds me of my commute to work. Colliding with other vehicles usually results in you spinning off to the side of the road, which causes you to explode when you reach it. But your RAC membership helps you to get back on the road in no time - virtually instantly - ready for you to continue your journey. It is possible to stop your car from spinning out of control after an accident by steering in the opposite direction to the one you're going in straight after having a bump. It's not easy, but might make the difference between you getting to the end of the course or falling short. You see, the car you're driving appears to be the most fuel inefficient car in existence and loses fuel at an alarming rate. Collisions, their often inevitable explosions and the time it takes to get back on the track and back to full speed are the main drain on your fuel. Fortunately, rainbow coloured cars carry fuel and driving into them replenishes a small amount of fuel. Not by much, but if you collect enough, you should have just enough to get you to your destination. Unfortunately, driving up the backsides of rainbow cars tend to be the BMW-driving shitheads so getting hold of fuel can sometimes be a risky manoeuvre. Superman sometimes makes a bizarre cameo appearance, flying along the track. He awards extra fuel and points. Or maybe just points. Usually I'm so in awe by his random appearance that I don't really know what he actually does.

At first, the game feels a bit unfair. Your car just doesn't seem to have enough fuel to complete your journey, so collecting replenishments is essential. Of course, the game wouldn't be that challenging otherwise so it's a bit of a moot criticism. Once you get used to dodging the drivers who appear to be intent on getting in your way and master the art of refuelling, the game becomes much more tolerable and getting from one level to the next is quite achievable, if not entirely fun.

Made it to the end with 1 drop of fuel left. Now, how am I going to get it to the garage to fill up?

Kaboom!! 

Presentation is quite lacking with just a static title screen to welcome you when switching on the game and just text on a black background when picking your options. Its uninspiring but it does the job. Similarly, the graphics aren't amazing but do change for each course although are more reminiscent of early NES games than something released in 1991 (there's a reason for this, to be revealed later). The same can be said about the sound. A tune plays at the start of the first track and when you get to the finishing line of each one, but throughout the game itself, it's just your engine noise and a few effects when overtaking BMWs or Audis, collecting rainbow cars or colliding with something. The engine noise gets a bit grating quite quickly.

Get the rainbow car for extra fuel!! I do that in real life too.

It takes a while to speed up and you definitely don't feel like you're doing the 400 km/h that the speedo says you're doing, but there is a sense of speed and the game scrolls upwards quickly and smoothly. The controls are also fairly responsive as you direct you car, although your car appears to move sideways rather than turn into the direction that you send it. Importantly the controls aren't too sensitive or under sensitive.

Already done this screenshot, haven't I? Oh well,
here it is again. Kaboom!

So, what exactly is wrong with the game? Basically, it's too short and isn't really much fun. There are only four courses and it's possible to complete them in about five minutes. The problem is that it is just an upwards scrolling avoid-em-up. Yes, it can be seen as a test of skills and reactions, and the game does reward skilful playing. But, although it doesn't feel like too much of a chore to play it, it just doesn't endear itself to the player in any way. It doesn't look or sound great, the red and blue cars wind you up, as do the hazards like oil slicks or pot holes in the middle of the road. Collisions result in frustration if you don't manage to salvage things before your car spins out of control and off the side of the road. It's also not easy to avoid a collision. Both buttons are used to accelerate your car, so you don't really have any brakes. The only way of slowing down is by letting go of one of the acceleration buttons. Also, your fuel depletes depending on what speed you're going at. Staying in slow gear the whole way means you lose fuel at a slower rate. So, you can quite easily get to the end of each course by just driving slowly. It makes the game easier, but takes some of the enjoyment out of it. What enjoyment there is in it.

The red car and the blue car had a race. And a truck and a yellow car did too.

Road Fighter isn't completely unplayable and will provide a bit of fun and challenge for a short length of time. After two or three goes though, you'll have either completed it or given up and begun looking for something else to play. If you ever need a game to define the word "average" then Road Fighter would be it.

Roadworks and nobody doing any work. Typical!

RATINGS
Presentation: 30%
A dull title screen is all you get, with in-game presentation lacking. 
Graphics: 40%
The sprites are small and lack suitable animation, and the backgrounds and tracks are uninspiring. Scrolling is fast and smooth though.
Sound: 45%
A couple of tunes introduce and end games, the rest of the game is made up of average sound effects. 
Playability: 55%
Frustrating at first, but there is a feeling of satisfaction once you get to grips with the game and manage to get to the end of a course with fuel to spare.
Overall: 50%
Definitely not the greatest NES game ever released, but certainly not the worst. Playable in small doses but not as enjoyable as it could have been.

The title screen from the game's first release.

BREAKING THE RULES
Earlier in the review, I mentioned something about Road Fighter being a good example of what happens when publishers find a way around Nintendo's strict licensing rules and why those rules existed in the first place. One of the restrictions that Nintendo placed was that publishing companies could only release a limited number of games for the NES a year, usually five. In theory, this would mean that the publishers would ensure that their games were top notch so that they could maximise sales. It would also give the NES a library of good quality games. One way of getting around this rule was by publishers setting up multiple companies, and producing games under that name. Konami set up Palcom (which later became Ultra) which doubled the number of games they could release. Konami were the developers of the Road Fighter arcade game, but released the NES conversion under their Palcom label. Incidentally, although it wasn't released in the USA and Europe until 1991, the game had actually been programmed and released in Japan for the Famicom in 1985. So, not only did the cheeky beggars use a loophole in Nintendo's licensing policy to allow them to release more games, they used their extra allowance to rerelease substandard games that they'd made years earlier. In a way, it proved that Nintendo were kind of right. A company being less limited in the number of games they can release would result in them being more likely to release crap games.

Castlevania (NES) - New to Me: Number 9

Castlevania - it all started here....

Game: Castlevania
Format: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developer: Konami
Year Released: 1986 (Japan), 1987 (USA), 1988 (Europe)
Also released on: Famicom Disk System, Commodore 64, Commodore Amiga, DOS, Microsoft Windows, Gameboy Advance 
Now available on: Virtual Console (500 Wii points)

Once upon a time, vampires were the hardmen of horror. They would go around and commit all kinds of socially unacceptable atrocities to satisfy their bloodthirsty desires. If there was any character in fiction that would typify evil, that character would be Count Dracula, the most infamous of vampires. Although Dracula and his cronies seemed to have an unhealthy obsession for young virgins, anything containing blood was fair game to them. Vampires were feared, and quite rightly too. Nowadays though, the reputation of vampires as being Transylvanian terrorists has been tainted somewhat by the popularity of teenage trash such as Twilight and The Vampire Diaries (lots of 't's in that sentence, wasn't actually intentional). In these, the vampires have morals and an awareness of good and bad. They hold upstanding roles in society and prefer to sip from the blood of animals rather than humans. They do well at school, appear to be rather cultured and knowledgable. The Cullen clan in Twilight seem to be a bunch of do-gooding vampire foster kids, all partnering off with each other, in a wimpy vampire version of Home & Away. If only Shannon from Home & Away was in it, it might be more interesting. Or Sophie. Or Angel. Or, er, ahem, where was I? Oh yes, vampires are now pansies. Fortunately, saving us from this current soft image that vampires now appear to possess is Castlevania, a video game featuring vampires in their more traditional guise - as the evil undead.

Entering Castlevania for the first time. The first time of many. Mwahahahahahah!

A cat (or is it a dog) waits to pounce.

Castlevania is a franchise of vampire-themed video games in which the protagonist, usually a descendent of the Belmont family, has to battle with Count Dracula and his assorted pals. Like many long-running game series, the storyline today is as convoluted as can be, with a multitude of story arcs, canons, tangents and diversions that only interest the most die-hard fans. For everyone else, Castlevania is an opportunity to defeat Count Dracula. Or at least, harm him enough so that he doesn't come back for quite a length of time, but hopefully by the time a follow-up is ready. The series began back in the mid-1980s on Nintendo's Famicom Disk System and the MSX 2 as Akumajō Dracula. Although the game on the two systems had the same title and shared a number of similarities, they were also slightly different to each other. The Famicom disk version was slapped onto a cartridge for us westerners and renamed Castlevania, and it is that version that is examined today.

Throwing an axe at a bat.

The 50 Shades of Grey book features a "Red Room of
Pain" (apparently). It was based on this.

Castlevania was a simple platform game - although kind of unique in style - in which you took on the role of Simon Belmont. Simon's quest is simple. Count Dracula has awaken and he needs to be put back to sleep. To get to Dracula, Simon must defeat a number of other enemies, including characters that wouldn't be out of place in Hammer Horror films, such as Frankenstein's monster and The Mummy. The Grim Reaper also makes an appearance. Simon possesses a whip and the ability to carry a second weapon. Initially, the whip is fairly weak and short, but can quickly be upgraded by collecting whip-upgrading power-ups. These power-ups are found by whipping animated ornaments, most often candles. As it doesn't take much effort to actually get the whip upgraded, regardless of where you are in the game, it does seem a little pointless that it needs upgrading in the first place. Although as you progress through the game, losing a life and therefore losing your power-ups, can make battling some of the tougher bosses much more difficult.

An annoying monkey thing is about to bounce around you. Whip the little shit as soon as you can.

Secondary weapons can be collected throughout the game which can be unleashed by pushing up and fire. These include boomarangs, swords, clocks that stop time and axes. You can also collect upgrades that allow you these secondary weapons quicker. Using the weapons is a case of pushing up and fire, so it is sometimes easy for Simon to shoot one off accidentally. That's what she said. Throughout the game you also collect hearts. The number of heart pieces you have collected represents the number of times you can fire the secondary weapons, so it's best saving them up for end of level baddies.

Simon meets his mummy, and his other mummy. He has lesbian parents.

At the top of the screen are two energy bars. One represents your energy, the other represents the energy of the end of level boss, so it doesn't do anything for most of the level. You can replenish your energy by collecting food, which is usually hidden in a platform block or some of the scenery somewhere in a level. In this game, hearts don't increase your health, which is something that takes a small amount of getting used to. Enemy collisions deduct your health.

Medusa's head is on its way. Get the bitch!

There are really only two types of enemies: walking ones and flying and jumpy ones. The walking ones are fairly easy to defeat, although take multiple hits as you get further through the game. The flying and jumpy ones are a pain in the ass though. Medusa's head oscillates its way through the screen, and there are jumpy monkeys and some other weird things that just hop around you and move unpredictably. The controls are ok, but they aren't amazing, feeling a bit stiff and make it a little awkward to time your movements well to avoid collision. A major issue with the game is how colliding with enemies affects you. Simply coming into contact with an enemy is enough to cause Simon Belmont to leap backwards. This becomes frustrating on some levels where if you fall off a platform, you fall to your death. As jumping over some of the enemies isn't always easy, you will find yourself losing lives, somewhat unfairly, all too often.

Duck! Duck now. Oh no, it's a bat.

As the game progresses, it gets extremely tough. This is down to the fact that enemy collisions deduct more and more points from your health. Early levels only see your health deducted by one bar, later levels by four. Added to the additional harm that enemies inflict on you, there are also a lot more enemies to defeat. It's challenging, but also frustrating and doesn't always feel entirely fair. Simalarly, end of level bosses begin by being quite easy to defeat, before getting rediculously tough towards the end.

A big white bird craps out a bald monkey.

The game's appearance is ok. Levels are mostly dark and dingy, although most NES games looked dark and dingy to me. They capture the horror theme quite well, although one level in the middle of the game seems to take place in daylight, which just seems a little out of place. Enemies are fairly well drawn, and Simon's animation is not too bad. The graphics are nothing amazing but do their job and are well suited to the game. Overall presentation is quite good too. The title screen is a fairly standard NES style one, displaying the game's title and little else. The game then shows Simon entering Castlevania before the action begins, and there are little map screens in between each level detaling his progress.

Looks happy, but scary at the same time. Bit like Ronald
McDonald.

As for the sound, the music is quite upbeat, featuring jolly, catchy tunes. Some of these are now classics in the world of video game music, and have gone on to feature in several of Castlevania's sequels and on albums. The music gives the game an arcadey feel, and somehow prevents the game from being seen as overly moody and sombre. Subsequent games retain this kind of soundtrack.

As a franchise that still exists today, it is good to see how many of the ideas the exist in current games began in the very first one. As a platformer in its own right, Castlevania is fun and challenging, if a little frustrating. A lot of 1980s platformers just haven't stood the test of time and are just a chore to play today, but Castlevania is still an enjoyable test of your gaming skills, looking and sounding good too.

It's Skeletor!

RATINGS
Presentation: 75%
Functional presentation which allows you to get into the game easily and suits its purpose well.
Graphics: 72%
Mostly dark and moody and suit the games theme.
Sound: 80%
The birth of some famous video game tunes was in this game. They are typical NES tunes, but not as forgettable as most. 
Playability: 83%
The main character controls well, but is hampered by his reaction when coming into collision with enemies which results in some frustrating and unfair deaths. Gets a bit tough later on, but it's not impossible to complete due to unlimited continues.
Overall: 80%
A high-quality, enjoyable platform game which captures its theme well.

This is a level from the demo seeing as I never got this far into the game when getting these shots.

New To Me: Number 8 - Kickle Cubicle (Nintendo Entertainment System)

Game: Kickle Cubicle
Format: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developer: Irem
Year Released: 1990
Also released on: Arcade (1988)
Now available on: Nothing

A very pink title screen, with rainbow letters.
Not the most manly of games, this.

For this "New to Me", I decided to pick a game at random. Hopefully a game I've never played before or else it wouldn't be a very new to me "New to Me." As I was never the owner of a Nintendo Entertainment System, and the only time I ever used one was when I should have been doing something completely different (see my Excitebike review for info), I've decided that picking a random NES game is quite likely to result in me finding something completely new.

Using my amazing state-of-the-art random game picker, the game I randomly picked was........ Genghis Khan. Never heard of it before, but thought I'd give it a go. I somehow procured the game, powered it up, became overcome by emotion due to its opening theme tune, and then began my quest for world domination. After twenty minutes of not having a clue what I was doing, I gave up, returned to my random game picker, and picked another game at random. And this time it randomly picked Kickle Cubicle, another game I'd never heard of. So, using my skills of procurement again, I managed to acquire this game, and booted it up.

This review was meant to be of Genghis Khan.
But I couldn't understand it, so Kickle Cubicle took his place.

Kickle Cubicle is a block sliding puzzle game. As its childish name suggests, it's one of those cutesy games with cutesy characters, a premise which involves you rescuing princesses from castles and palaces, and a bizarre amount of references to fruit and veg.

Garden Land. Where you can get cheap gnomes,
pots, seeds and bulbs.

The game is quite simple to play. Each level takes place on a floating grid of ice tiles. Kickle, who looks a bit like a cross between Dizzy and a dog wearing headphones, basically has to collect bags of gold (could be bags of anything though, but I'm assuming it's gold) from each level. Making things slightly more challenging is the fact that the bags of gold aren't always easily accessible. Kickle can't jump over to them, so he has to make ice tiles to allow him to walk over to them. He does this by freezing enemies, and then pushing them so that they slide to the edge of the platform and turn into an ice tile when they get there. As enemies continuously regenerate, he can repeat the process until he has created a route to get to his bags. Enemies come in different forms - not all of them can be turned into ice blocks and then into ice tiles. You can also build little "walls" to stop the ice block from sliding all the way to the end of the grid, if you want to end up somewhere else. So, each level is a little puzzle to solve. Some are easy (sometimes the solutions are too obvious and in a way seem to be red herrings, even though they're not). And that's it. One puzzle after another puzzle after another. And it's all quite fun. Despite the simplicity of this game, it's not really very easy to explain clearly what you have to do (at least not for me - I've spent the last hour trying to write this paragraph in a way which makes sense and it still doesn't! Oh well, I'm sure I'll have a video on here soon to demonstrate).

Kickle wanders around the level, listening to some tunes through his earphones, and kicks ice cubes.

One of the good things about the game is that each level relies on your puzzle-solving skills and your game-playing skills too. It's not just a case of getting the pieces of ice in the right places - it's about avoiding enemies, shooting at them and keeping your wits about you. At the end of each stage, you come to an end of level boss who can usually be destroyed by sliding ice at him.

Hmmmm.....

A storyline attempts to give the game some kind of plot and purpose, but isn't really that interesting or necessary to understand for you to proceed with the game.

Graphically everything is nice and tidy with a good use of colour and quality animation. The sprites are clear and lend themselves well to the game's arcade style. The music and effects are good, but the tune gets quite annoying after a while as it's the same one for each level. The game is all very well presented though.

This looks like a fun-filled level, don't it?

The game is easy to pick up, and the first few levels allow you to learn and develop strategies without throwing too much of a challenge at you. Some later puzzles will drive you crazy, and the action can become quite frantic. As each level can usually be completed fairly quickly, it does have the go-on-just-one-more-level-before-bed-I've-got-work-in-the-morning element, which current games like Angry Birds also have. The problem is, once you've figured out the solution to a puzzle, when you replay the level, it kind of feels like you're going through the motions to complete it. It also isn't one of those games that you feel that you must put on just for a gaming fix as, fun though it is, it isn't the most exciting of games.

That's one freaky looking family of pumpkins there. Keep away Kickle!!

I'm surprised that Kickle Cubicle isn't a game that is more well known and that it seems to have vanished to nothing. It's not a bad game at all. Its childish name probably didn't help it to attract a wider audience, but it could be a game that should be brought back to life on a service like the Virtual Console, unlikely as it is to happen.

The first end of level boss, a chicken with one eye.

So, yes, I quite liked Kickle Cubicle. It kept me quiet for a few evenings over the past few weeks, sometimes frustrated the hell out of me, but represented simple good old-fashioned arcade-style gaming.

Princess Pumpa expresses her gratitude. Later princesses appear to dress more provocatively. If you're into
perving on semi-dressed digital princesses, this is the game for you!

RATINGS
Presentation: 7
Everything is very well presented, with the game's "plot" interspersed well with the gameplay, nice level maps before each level and easy to use menu systems.
Graphics: 7
There's not a lot you can do when most of the levels are made out of ice, but the graphics in this game still manage to be colourful and clear
Sound:6
Slightly annoying tune but it's jolly enough and fits well with the game. Sound effects are ok too.
Playability: 7
It's not the first game you'd pick if you want to fill a few spare minutes, but it's not too bad to play when you're into it.
Overall: 7
A nice little game which eventually provides a good strategic and arcade-style challenge.

GAMEPLAY VIDEOAs per usual, here is a video of Kickle Cubicle in action

Conversion Comparisons - Number One: Pac-Land

The Arcade Version's title screen. Thrilling!

Once upon a time a range of computers and consoles happily co-existed. They were all completely different to each other, each with their unique strengths and weaknesses and numerous quirks. Developers had to write code specific to each system, to enable their programs to take advantage of the respective platform's features and capabilities. This meant that one game could look and play completely differently on one machine to the next. The differences could be slight, or they could be massive. This situation gave fuel to the playground arguments about which system was best. And, er, I'm boring myself now. Basically, this section, named "Conversion Comparisons" will pick a game and look at how it fared when converted from its original platform. We start with Pac-Land.

Pac-Man jumps over a car driven by a pink ghost. As you do.

Pac-Land was one of the first true side-scrolling platform games, and was released in 1984 by Namco. It was a sequel to Pac-Man and took much of its inspiration from the Pac-Man cartoon. The general idea was to get Pac-Man from one end of the Pac-Land to another, collect a pair of magic boots from a fairy, and then go back home. And then, a little later in the day, do the same thing again. I'm not sure if the objective was for Pac-Man to obtain as many magic boots as possible for the Pac Family to hoard, but it seems plausible enough. Making Pac-Man's journey slightly more difficult were the ghosts, intent on attacking him from all angles and in all kinds of vehicles and disguises.  Pac-Man can only attack them after popping a power pill - otherwise he can only avoid them. Other hazards include seemingly endless bodies of water, collapsing bridges and bottomless pits. The return journey was easier than the outward journey as the magic boots gave Pac-Man the ability to float. Kind of. Pac-Land featured colourful levels, cartoony visuals (impressive for the time) and the theme tune playing constantly with accompanying sound effects. They all complimented each other perfectly, and the game, although simple, was fun and addictive and rewarded skilful playing.

Pac-Land was converted to many of the major platforms during the late 1980s and early 1990s. Here is a summary of some of the conversions from worst to best.

Title on Sir Lord Alan Sugar's compy.

1. WORST VERSION: Amstrad CPC - The Amstrad version features full colour graphics (very pink though) and plays fairly closely to the Spectrum version, which will appear in this list in the not-too-distant future. It has a good rendition of the theme tune but suffers from a couple of major flaws: unresponsive controls and no side-scrolling graphics. The problem with the game not having side-scrolling graphics is that sometimes an enemy will enter the screen from the right just as you're about to exit it. The unresponsive controls mean that avoiding this enemy is impossible. In other instances, making a split-second change of mind is impossible. The game feels slugglish and is frustrating to play, and is in my opinion the worst version of the bunch.

Amstrad: Pac-Land on the Amstrad is rather pink.

The Phantom is pure genius and Tangerine Dream is Fab, apparently

2 - Sinclair Spectrum - This is a very close second-worst. Graphically, it does away with the colours of the Amstrad version, replacing them with drab dark blues and yellows, which makes it look like Pac-Man is wandering about the streets of Pac-Land at night. Its rendition of the arcade game's theme tune is identical to the Amstrad's version, and quite impressive it is too. Unfortunately, the game also replicates the Amstrad's flip screen technique, and therefore suffers from the same problems that not having side-scrolling levels causes. What prevents this from being the worst version though is that the controls feel ever-so-slightly smoother and a bit more responsive. Even so, Pac-Man will come to an unavoidable end much too often and it won't be long until you give up on helping him find magic shoes to hoard. Incidentally, both this and the Amstrad version feature a slightly modified version of the game's theme for the return journey, which is commendable.

Sinclair Spectrum: The street lamps in Pac-Land make everything look yellow

The rather beautiful title screen of the NES version.

3 - Nintendo Entertainment System - This version does away with the cartoony graphics from the original, and makes it look a bit like Pac-Man is travelling through a giant Lego version of Pac-Land. The sprites, both for Pac-Man and the enemies, are about half the size of those in the original, and are dwarfed in comparison to the backdrops. The music is OK, whereas the sound effects are quite close to the arcade's. What lets this game down though are the controls. For some reason, Namco thought it would be good to use the NES controller's two A and B buttons to control Pac-Man left and right, and any direction on the D-pad to jump. Why??? Doesn't the very design of the control pad make it obvious which buttons should do what? The D in D-pad stands for directional, which gives you a clear idea of its purpose! You kind of get used to the stupid controls after sticking with them for a while, but when you come across an obstacle that requires some sort of split second decision, you'll suddently forget that you're meant to be using the controller back-to-front and press the wrong button. There's probably some way of reconfiguring the controls, but there shouldn't really be any need to do so for a game which by default should have clear controls. In addition, the levels appear to have been messed around with a little bit, and the game doesn't really feel much like you're playing Pac-Land. It's not awful, but it could have been much better.

NES: I don't know why, but everytime I look at the graphics for the NES version, I feel thirsty.

These title screens get sexier and sexier, don't they?

4 - Commodore Amiga - Graphically, this is one of the best looking versions of the game, with sprites and backdrops that closely resemble those of the arcade game. The music is also pretty good too, and the fact that the game doesn't require a fire button means that you can use the controller's trigger button to jump, rather than having to push up (having to push up to jump in Amiga games was always a pet hate of mine). The level layouts are also fairly faithful to the arcade version's layouts, and unlike a lot of the other versions (Amstrad, Speccy, NES and C64), you are able to stand on top of vehicles, a feature of the arcade game. However, letting this game down is its scrolling. For some reason, Pac-Man's journey to retrieve magic shoes from the fairy at the other end of Pac-Land is literally not a smooth one. The scrolling is terribly jerky, and seems to get worse when there's more going on. At some points, it feels like you're playing the game in slow motion. This disrupts the arcadey flow of the game, and almost ruins what could have been a perfect conversion.

Commordore Amiga: Looks nice, but if you could see this moving, you'll be tearing the disk out of its drive and flushing it down your toilet in minutes.

Another gorgeous title screen.

5 - Commodore 64 - Of the 8-Bit home computer versions, this is by far the best. Although the graphics aren't as colourful as the Amstrad's, which is partly down to the Commodore 64's washed-out pallette, they are drawn much closer to the arcade's, and the screens scroll. And, unlike the Amiga version, they scroll smoothly, and this is what puts it just ahead of the Amiga version.Which begs the question, if it could be done on the C64, why couldn't the Amiga do it? The game does still suffer from some frustrating deaths, and you aren't able to stand on top of vehicles, which takes something away from the fun of the arcade game, and the level design is slightly different from the original. Even so, this is a very good conversion of the arcade game and is miles ahead of the versions on the computer's contemporaries.

Commodore 64: I love how these old Commodore 64 games have always looked old.

Woah! The Commodore 64 graphics may be washed out, but this certainly isn't!

6 - Atari Lynx - This is a very faithful conversion of the arcade game, probably the most faithful of the bunch, incorporating virtually all of the original's features, even the parallax scrolling, It plays well on the small screen, but is perhaps a little too tough and doesn't feel as whizzy as its arcade parent.

Atari Lynx: Pac-Man on the small screen.

Quite simply the most beautiful title screen in existence. Ever.

6 - BEST VERSION: PC Engine/Turbografx - Simply the best version of Pac-Land is the one released for the PC Engine. Although the colour scheme has been tampered with a little, and the music is a tiny bit different, everything else from the arcade game is pretty much intact. The game does give the option of playing it with the bizarre control system used on the NES version, but makes it easy to change to what they call "Lever control". This is the version that feels most like the arcade version, and pips the Lynx version to the post simply by being more fun to play.

PC Engine: Pac-Man has a power pill just above his head, and is ready to gobble up the ghosties. Unfortunately, he ended up getting squashed by the two cars as I was fannying about trying to get a screenshot.

Video

Here's a video demonstrating each of the above versions of the game in action!

An Extra Treat!!!

While waiting for the home computer versions to load, you were treated to a rather funky map of Pac-Land. And, here they are. Exciting!

The Amstrad Loading Screen

The Spectrum Loading screen. Looks like the artists gave up half way - look at the house towards the top right, 

The Commodore 64 loading screen in a wonderful watercolour style.

The Commodore Amiga loading screen - plush and full of colour and life. I'd like to move there right now.