Road Fighter - Nintendo Entertainment System

Road Fighter  - sounds exciting!

Game: Road Fighter
Format: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developer: Konami/Palcom
Year Released: 1991
Also released on: Arcade, MSX 
Now available on: Nothing

I've always been interested in bad games. Not because I get some perverse pleasure out of attempting to play them. More that I'm fascinated by what makes them so bad. Is it down to poor design or bad controls? Is it too easy, too hard, totally unfair, completely unfathomable or simply not any fun? What was the reason for games that were so clearly terrible still managing to find their way into shops? Why did nobody at any part of the process between the first code being written to the game being put onto a disc, tape or cartridge say "This is complete shite!" and attempt to stop things from going any further. Was it corporate greed, bad planning, ridiculous deadlines, publisher arrogance or contempt of their customers? In the case of Atari, famous for releasing two of the more notorious bad games, Pac-Man and E.T. The Extra Terrestrial for the VCS, it was probably all of the above. Yes, Atari's apparent "policy" of passing any old garbage off as a video game was partly responsible for the entire gaming industry pretty much imploding in the early 80s in the USA. Arguably, they were helped along this path of self-destruction by Coleco and Magnavox who also appeared to allow their Colecovision and Intellivision consoles to play host to countless cartridges of crap. The inevitable collapse resulted in most console manufacturers exiting the industry, with Atari remaining as the sole survivor, but much smaller and much poorer than they once were.

Nintendo's Fun Box

Filling the void and arriving in America as the saviour of the video game industry were Nintendo with their exciting new grey box of fun, the Nintendo Entertainment System, with Mario and his Bros. in tow and lots of other fab games. The NES quickly became the console that all the kids wanted - mostly because it was the only console available. And to prevent a repeat of what had gone before, Nintendo made the most of their monopoly by restricting the activities of the publishers who wanted to release games for their console. All games had to be released on cartridges manufactured by and purchased from Nintendo, only five games per publisher could be released a year, and the publisher couldn't release the game on a competitor's console for a couple of years. Satisfy the big N and you'd get a gold star slapped on your box signifying that Nintendo had given it their Golden Seal of Approval. As a consumer, this meant that every game released for the NES was going to be of high quality, didn't it? Well, no, not entirely. Although the seal of approval gave consumers the impression that Nintendo had given the game their thumbs-up and that the massive grey cartridge that they had in their hand contained something special, the reality was that the seal was just a way of saying that the publisher had kept to Nintendo's rules. As restrictive (and later illegal) as they were, it can't be denied that Nintendo's measures did definitely result in a marked improvement in the quality of games released and prevented publishers from taking the piss and just shitting out code and claiming that it was a game. The NES is still regarded as one of the best consoles in the history of the gaming industry, and that is largely down to the fact that it had some amazing games released for it, games that remain classics today. This was surely down to Nintendo's tight controls. But, they didn't completely prevent the odd turkey from getting out. Road Fighter, released in 1991, is a good example of a game gone bad. It's also a good example of what happens when publishers find a way around Nintendo's rules, and why the rules were there in the first place. Mean Machines, the UK's most popular console magazine in the early nineties, reviewed the game and gave it a rating of 9%, making a point on the issue's front cover that the magazine contained the "Worst Game Ever". Over two decades later, I still hadn't got around to experiencing the alleged horrors of Road Fighter. Until now. But after taking it for a spin, I have to say that it definitely isn't as bad as the review made out. It's by no means a great game, but it certainly isn't deserving of its 9% score.

Road Fighter is a conversion of an arcade game with the same name. Developed by Konami in the mid eighties, the arcade game was an overhead vertical scrolling driving game from an era of when overhead vertical scrolling driving games were all the rage. The idea is simply to drive along a road, avoid other cars and get to the end of the course before you run out of fuel. Once you're out of fuel, it's game over.

Ever get the feeling you're the odd one out?

The NES conversion remains faithful to its arcade parent in that it also requires you to drive along a road, avoid other cars and try not to run out of fuel. Sounds like my typical drive to work. There are only two tantalising options to choose from, representing easy or hard but called level 1 and level 2 just to confuse you. Once you've picked your level, you're onto the open road. After the starting beeps have beeped, your opponents race off, leaving you behind to start your car and build up speed by pushing down the accelerate buttons. You have a choice of two speeds, slow or fast. Slow in this game is apparently 222 kilometres an hour. Fast is a super speedy 400 km/h. One button allows you to drive "slowly", the other makes you go faster. You can move your car left or right using the d-pad. 

Vrmmmmm....

In most cases, cars just let you pass them. But, some of the drivers are twats and decide to block your way as you approach them to overtake. They tend to drive blue or red cars. The blue cars are probably BMWs and red ones are Audis. Yep, definitely reminds me of my commute to work. Colliding with other vehicles usually results in you spinning off to the side of the road, which causes you to explode when you reach it. But your RAC membership helps you to get back on the road in no time - virtually instantly - ready for you to continue your journey. It is possible to stop your car from spinning out of control after an accident by steering in the opposite direction to the one you're going in straight after having a bump. It's not easy, but might make the difference between you getting to the end of the course or falling short. You see, the car you're driving appears to be the most fuel inefficient car in existence and loses fuel at an alarming rate. Collisions, their often inevitable explosions and the time it takes to get back on the track and back to full speed are the main drain on your fuel. Fortunately, rainbow coloured cars carry fuel and driving into them replenishes a small amount of fuel. Not by much, but if you collect enough, you should have just enough to get you to your destination. Unfortunately, driving up the backsides of rainbow cars tend to be the BMW-driving shitheads so getting hold of fuel can sometimes be a risky manoeuvre. Superman sometimes makes a bizarre cameo appearance, flying along the track. He awards extra fuel and points. Or maybe just points. Usually I'm so in awe by his random appearance that I don't really know what he actually does.

At first, the game feels a bit unfair. Your car just doesn't seem to have enough fuel to complete your journey, so collecting replenishments is essential. Of course, the game wouldn't be that challenging otherwise so it's a bit of a moot criticism. Once you get used to dodging the drivers who appear to be intent on getting in your way and master the art of refuelling, the game becomes much more tolerable and getting from one level to the next is quite achievable, if not entirely fun.

Made it to the end with 1 drop of fuel left. Now, how am I going to get it to the garage to fill up?

Kaboom!! 

Presentation is quite lacking with just a static title screen to welcome you when switching on the game and just text on a black background when picking your options. Its uninspiring but it does the job. Similarly, the graphics aren't amazing but do change for each course although are more reminiscent of early NES games than something released in 1991 (there's a reason for this, to be revealed later). The same can be said about the sound. A tune plays at the start of the first track and when you get to the finishing line of each one, but throughout the game itself, it's just your engine noise and a few effects when overtaking BMWs or Audis, collecting rainbow cars or colliding with something. The engine noise gets a bit grating quite quickly.

Get the rainbow car for extra fuel!! I do that in real life too.

It takes a while to speed up and you definitely don't feel like you're doing the 400 km/h that the speedo says you're doing, but there is a sense of speed and the game scrolls upwards quickly and smoothly. The controls are also fairly responsive as you direct you car, although your car appears to move sideways rather than turn into the direction that you send it. Importantly the controls aren't too sensitive or under sensitive.

Already done this screenshot, haven't I? Oh well,
here it is again. Kaboom!

So, what exactly is wrong with the game? Basically, it's too short and isn't really much fun. There are only four courses and it's possible to complete them in about five minutes. The problem is that it is just an upwards scrolling avoid-em-up. Yes, it can be seen as a test of skills and reactions, and the game does reward skilful playing. But, although it doesn't feel like too much of a chore to play it, it just doesn't endear itself to the player in any way. It doesn't look or sound great, the red and blue cars wind you up, as do the hazards like oil slicks or pot holes in the middle of the road. Collisions result in frustration if you don't manage to salvage things before your car spins out of control and off the side of the road. It's also not easy to avoid a collision. Both buttons are used to accelerate your car, so you don't really have any brakes. The only way of slowing down is by letting go of one of the acceleration buttons. Also, your fuel depletes depending on what speed you're going at. Staying in slow gear the whole way means you lose fuel at a slower rate. So, you can quite easily get to the end of each course by just driving slowly. It makes the game easier, but takes some of the enjoyment out of it. What enjoyment there is in it.

The red car and the blue car had a race. And a truck and a yellow car did too.

Road Fighter isn't completely unplayable and will provide a bit of fun and challenge for a short length of time. After two or three goes though, you'll have either completed it or given up and begun looking for something else to play. If you ever need a game to define the word "average" then Road Fighter would be it.

Roadworks and nobody doing any work. Typical!

RATINGS
Presentation: 30%
A dull title screen is all you get, with in-game presentation lacking. 
Graphics: 40%
The sprites are small and lack suitable animation, and the backgrounds and tracks are uninspiring. Scrolling is fast and smooth though.
Sound: 45%
A couple of tunes introduce and end games, the rest of the game is made up of average sound effects. 
Playability: 55%
Frustrating at first, but there is a feeling of satisfaction once you get to grips with the game and manage to get to the end of a course with fuel to spare.
Overall: 50%
Definitely not the greatest NES game ever released, but certainly not the worst. Playable in small doses but not as enjoyable as it could have been.

The title screen from the game's first release.

BREAKING THE RULES
Earlier in the review, I mentioned something about Road Fighter being a good example of what happens when publishers find a way around Nintendo's strict licensing rules and why those rules existed in the first place. One of the restrictions that Nintendo placed was that publishing companies could only release a limited number of games for the NES a year, usually five. In theory, this would mean that the publishers would ensure that their games were top notch so that they could maximise sales. It would also give the NES a library of good quality games. One way of getting around this rule was by publishers setting up multiple companies, and producing games under that name. Konami set up Palcom (which later became Ultra) which doubled the number of games they could release. Konami were the developers of the Road Fighter arcade game, but released the NES conversion under their Palcom label. Incidentally, although it wasn't released in the USA and Europe until 1991, the game had actually been programmed and released in Japan for the Famicom in 1985. So, not only did the cheeky beggars use a loophole in Nintendo's licensing policy to allow them to release more games, they used their extra allowance to rerelease substandard games that they'd made years earlier. In a way, it proved that Nintendo were kind of right. A company being less limited in the number of games they can release would result in them being more likely to release crap games.

Psycho Fox - Sega Master System: Retro Review

Game: Psycho Fox
Format: Sega Master System
Developer: Vic Tokai, Sega
Year Released: 1989
Also released on: Nothing
Now available on: Nothing

Many people associate the Master System with Alex Kidd. Some associate it with Wonder Boy and some even associate it with Sonic the Hedgehog. Each character featured in multiple games for Sega's 8-bit machine, but there was another platform star whose appearance on the console was well-received at the time and is remembered by those who knew him with fondness today. That character was Psycho Fox who featured in a game which bore his name in 1989.

Psycho Fox throws the bird.

As with most platform games, it's Psycho Fox's job to rid the world of some troublemaker who has some dastardly plan to do bad stuff. I'm sure the troublemaker and his intended bad stuff is described in the instruction manual somewhere, but I really can't be bothered to find out. The text on the back of the box just talks about Psycho Fox being "an adventure game centering around the entertaining and thrilling escapades of a very special fox", who "ventures into many strange worlds to conquer the strange beasts and boss monsters he encounters." It then goes on to say the same thing in other European languages. Well, at least I think it's the same thing. There could actually be six completely different descriptions of the same game on the boxes for European releases. The text on the box for the US release is slightly less generic and asks if you're bored of rescuing princesses, sick of dungeons and "mother brain". What the fudge is "mother brain"??!! It basically suggests that, if so, Psycho Fox is the game for you. It also talks about the world needing saving from Madfox Daimyojin. It also asks if you've heard of Zizo Zizo or Poola. Apparently these are some of the unheard-of enemies that you'll encounter. I suppose they wouldn't be able to be described as unheard-of if you'd actually heard of them. Oh yes, we need more analysis of the descriptions of games from their boxes in the future.

What on earth?

So, the game itself. Psycho Fox must travel through many strange worlds to defeat Madfox. Although the strange worlds don't actually appear that strange - there's your usual desert, ice, cloud, underground levels on offer here - some of the creatures that inhabit the worlds are very bizarre, and there are some unique ideas in the levels to set the game apart from its contemporaries.

Invincibility a go-go.

As his name suggests, Psycho Fox is a bit of a nutter. Like Mario, he can defeat enemies by jumping on them. But, unlike everybody's favourite Brooklyn-based plumber, Mr Fox is not content to just bounce on nasties and move on. He can land on enemies multiple times, pounding on them again and again until they are buried deep underground. If a semi-buried enemy tries to get out, just jump on it another time to make sure it doesn't try to escape again. Alternatively, Psycho Fox can just walk up to an enemy and punch them in their face. Or, if the enemy is too far away, he can throw a bird at them instead. Yes, even for a fox, Psycho Fox seems quite disturbed. The bird that Psycho Fox throws at enemies is called Birdfly. You can find Birdfly in eggs scattered around the levels. Being a fox with clearly psychotic tendencies, Psycho Fox cracks open eggs by thumping them. After being thrown, Birdfly will loyally return to Psycho Fox, ready to be thrown again. Maybe Birdfly is a bit of a hardnut too. Birdfly also acts as a shield. Usually if you collide with an enemy, you lose a life. But if you're carrying Birdfly, he will vanish but allow you to retain your life. Finding Birdfly again is a simple case of smashing open more eggs and hoping he's in one of them.

Spray that insect thing with insect spray and it'll buzz off.

Psycho Fox as Tiger on level three

It's not just Birdfly that you can find in eggs. Other eggs contain special items, extra lives or bags of money. But not all eggs contain Brucie Bonuses. Some eggs are empty, while others contain enemies. The sneaky beggars! The special items that you collect get stored in an inventory which you can access by pausing the game. The items to choose from in this screen are a Psycho Stick (which also goes by the name of the stick of the Shinto Purification - ???!!), a straw effigy and a potion. Using the effigy makes the screen go wibbly-wobbly and destroys all enemies on the screen. The potion makes Psycho Fox invincible for a short period. And the Psycho Stick, or the Shinto Purification thingy, allows you to transform Psycho Fox into another animal: a hippo, monkey or tiger. Each animal has its own strengths and weaknesses. For example, the hippo is slow, doesn't jump as high, but has an extra-strong punch, useful for breaking down some otherwise indestructible walls. The monkey jumps high while the tiger runs fast. Psycho Fox in his foxy form is a good all rounder. You will remain as the animal you've changed into for as long as you wish to. Just use another Psycho Stick to change into something else.

Bonus level! Get yer bonus level 'ere!

So, what about the money bags you collect? Well, after each round, you get to gamble it away. In a quick bonus round, Psycho Fox is presented with 5 pathways. At the end of each pathway is a prize. You have to choose which pathway to send Psycho Fox along and will win the prize at the end of the path. As you can collect multiple bags of cash on your way, you can bet on multiple paths. Or you can place multiple bets on one path. So, if you collect five bags of cash, you can bet on each path which guarantees that you win each prize. Be warned though, because one of the prizes is a boobie prize. Not a pair of tits, but a hole which Psycho Fox will fall down if he reaches it. All that happens if he does is that he doesn't win anything for that path, but will still win the prizes at the end of any of the other paths he reaches. The prizes that can be won are the special items found throughout the game plus an extra life, or the chance to play on a number stopper thing (apparently it's a shrine). Whatever number you stop it on will grant you that number of lives. And depending on how many bets you placed on that path, the number of lives you get will be multiplied. The bonus round is a fun little interlude and gives you the opportunity to build up a healthy number of lives. Get lucky and you can get up to 25 extra lives on the bonus round.

Bouncing around on level 5. That thing to above left of Mr Fox is blowing air which will push him to the right.

Levels are split into three rounds with a boss at the end of each third round. For some bosses, you are provided with an item to help you to defeat them. This may be a pesticide spray or an air gun. Some are defeated using more traditional means, and the end battle is a good old 8-bit battle of wits and skill. Unfortunately, each boss - including the final one - only requires three hits to be defeated, so the battles don't tend too last long at all.

Barney the dinosaur has a problem with bees.

Each level in Psycho Fox is full of colour and cartoon-like in appearance, with everything well drawn and animated. The music is of a good standard too, well-suited to the game, although the last few levels seem to use the same tunes for some reason. It is one of the better-looking and sounding Master System games. But it's also good fun to play. At first, Psycho Fox feels a little sluggish to get moving, gradually building up speed as he goes along. And if you play the game cautiously, it will feel quite slow and frustrating to play as you never get the chance to get up to a good pace. It's best just to go for it, running, jumping and thumping your way through the levels and hoping for the best. But even following this strategy can be a pain as it's simply not possible to maintain it. All too often, Psycho Fox will come up against something which will stop him in his tracks and cause him to have to slow down. And when Psycho Fox goes slow, he goes real slow. Heaven knows how I used to play this on my PAL Master System back in the day, but I do remember loving this game! There are also a lot of blind jumps in the game. They don't often lead to deaths, but it would be nice to be able to make informed decisions about where you want to send the crazy fox next. Repeat play does reap rewards though, as the more you get used to the levels, the easier it is to remember what is coming up, and the more fun the game becomes.

There are some nice touches to the game. A way of getting over a large body of water is to build up enough speed and running into it. You'll find that whichever character you're controlling will skim on its ass across the water. Apart from the hippo who just falls in. Well he does whenever I try. There is a wind level with wind blowers which suspend your character in the air, and bendy poles which you can run and jump into which fling you off at speed, height and distance. The key to making the most of these is to hit them as fast and as high as you can. There are also the usual platform game features, such as bridges which fall away as you walk over them and steps that turn into slides, or statues that come alive. There are also hidden bonus stages. These are usually found accidentally by throwing Bird Fly into what appears to be empty space. Bird Fly will hit a point in the emptiness, causing a crack to appear. Throwing him a couple of times will cause the crack to become a hole (should have gone to Autoglass). Go into this hole and you'll find yourself in a secret level. In a blatant copy of Super Mario Bros, Psycho Fox (or Psycho Hippo, Monkey or Tiger) can go down a tube which will bring him out in another level. It's possible to get to the final level in the game through a secret level found in the first level of it. Bit pointless though, but it's possible.

Hmmm.... Not a lot to say here.

The final battle with Madfox. Get him!

Psycho Fox isn't a hard game, nor is it that easy, but the abundance of extra lives and unlimited continues means it is possible to complete it fairly quickly with a bit of persistence. It never gets to the point of being insanely difficult or with any parts where you can get stuck for days without being able to figure out how to get any further. Despite being a bit sluggish at first and having some blind leaps of faith every now again, it doesn't feel too unfair to play. It really is a great title, looking, sounding and playing well, and it's a shame that Psycho Fox didn't go onto have further adventures or achieve greater recognition as he certainly deserved it.

RATINGS
Presentation: 90%
A bright, cartoon intro screen and a high level of presentation throughout. A great ending sequence too.
Graphics: 92%
Some of the Master System's best. Colourful, well-defined and varied.
Sound:  85%
It wasn't easy to make the Master System sound good, but this game doesn't make it sound bad at all.
Playability: 83%
Takes a little bit of getting into due because of its initial sluggishness and frustrating collisions with enemies that you don't see coming, but becomes much more fun the more you stick with it. The game features plenty of variety, surreal enemies and lots of great ideas which are mostly well-implemented.
Overall: 84%
An often over-looked Master System gem.

Being a psycho on other consoles

Kid Kool. Pure turd on a NES cart.

Psycho Fox was a Master System exclusive and the character has never appeared anywhere else. But, the game itself did. Kind of. Games were released on the Nintendo Entertainment System and the Sega Mega Drive by the developers of Psycho Fox which were so similar in design and in gameplay that they are pretty much Psycho Fox in different clothes. And with different level layouts. Kid Kool was the NES version. But it's pretty much unplayable. Kid Kool is able to land on enemies and pound them into the ground, just like Psycho Fox. He is also able to collect a Bird Fly-like creature, although obtaining him seems to be through random luck, and he can throw him around at enemies. But there is no punch ability, and the game has a weird vertical scrolling feature where if you go to the top of the screen, rather than the screen following you and scrolling upwards, it flips upwards. So, if you happen to jump quite high, the screen flips up and then back down. There are too many blind falls and, urgh, the game is just a mess.

The wacky Japanese Mega Drive remake of Psycho Fox.

The Mega Drive was home to two reprogrammed versions of Psycho Fox. Both were actually almost the same game, just with different graphics and characters. In Japan, the game was Magical Flying Hat Turbo Adventure. In the west, it was Decap Attack. The Japanese version appears to be based in the Middle East and, like Psycho Fox, features colourful, cartoony graphics and similar bonus stages. As it was based on a Japanese anime, the rights of which weren't obtained for a western release, Magical Flying Hat Turbo Adventure became Decap Attack. This used a horror theme instead. Graphics were less colourful, more in fitting with the game's theme, and the music was changed too. But the gameplay remained pretty much the same. Both games though are highly playable and are worth looking out for. Decap Attack is regularly rereleased on Mega Drive compilations and on download services. You can get it as part of the Sega Mega Drive Ultimate Collection for PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, and as individual downloads on Steam and through Sega's own website.

The more horrific Western Mega Drive/Genesis remake of Psycho Fox 

Back to the Master System, where Psycho Fox saw a rerelease under another guise. In Brazil, where the Master System was massive and is still fairly popular, Tec Toy updated the game in the mid-nineties to feature characters from a comic book series. The game was called Sapo Xulé: Os Invasores do Brejo and in it Psycho Fox became a frog while the other characters were a pig, turtle and a mouse. Despite the character changes, the game played identically to the original.



Playthrough video
Here's a video of me playing Psycho Fox from start to finish, and amassing a huge number of lives in the process, mostly down to a flukey go on the bonus level.

Right Royal Retro Baby Games

To celebrate the birth of Prince George, the first child of Duke and Duchess Cambridge and the boy who will one day be King, here are some right royal retro games featuring babies. But not royal ones.

Brat
Atari ST, Commodore Amiga (Image Works, 1991)
Released for the Atari ST and Commodore Amiga, Brat is a baby who needs direction, and probably some love and affection. If not, he'll probably get some sort of attention deficit disorder and in twenty years time will become some sort of vigilante computer hacker. In this game, Brat walks in a straight line on a suspended landscape. It is your job to ensure that he doesn't fall off the floating world that he inhabits or come a cropper by hitting any of the obstacles that get in his way. You do this simply by placing objects on his route, mostly direction arrows which tell Brat which direction to take, but there are some other items to place which can be used to combat some of the obstacles. The game is a bit like an isometric Lemmings, quite a simple idea and well-presented, but unfortunately hard and frustrating to play due to being very unforgiving if you make mistakes. Brat is also one of those annoying kids wearing sunglasses, a leather jacket and a sideways baseball cap, a style that has never ever been cool.



Jack the Nipper
ZX Spectrum, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC, MSX (Gremlin Graphics, 1986)
Taking the role of a trouble-making toddler, you get to explore various comic-book style locations with the aim to cause as much madness and mayhem as possible. If Grand Theft Auto was a 8-bit computer game featuring babies, then this would have been it.

Chuck Rock II: Son of Chuck
Commodore Amiga, Amiga CD32, Sega Master System, Mega Drive/Genesis, Game Gear, Mega-CD (Core Design, 1993)
A side-scrolling platform game featuring Chuck Rock's son. He doesn't quite have his dad's belly yet so defeats enemies using a club. Pretty standard platform fare from a time when pretty standard platformers were abundant. The graphics and sound are great as you'd expect from a Core Design game, but the game itself was lost amongst its competition so is probably not so well-remembered.

 

Wonder Boy
Arcade (Sega, 1986), Sega SG-1000. Sega Master System,  Sega Game Gear (as Revenge of Drancon in USA), ZX Spectrum, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC, Mobile Phone, Wii Virtual Console (rerelease of Master System version)
Also released as Adventure Island on Nintendo Entertainment System, MSX, Gameboy Advance, Gamate, Gamecube, PlayStation 2, Wii Virtual Console (release of NES version)
We're not sure if Wonder Boy is a baby or just a kid who hasn't yet been potty-trained. Whatever he is, he roams dangerous landscapes wearing a nappy while throwing axes at enemies and beheading end-of-level bosses like some sort of crazed loon in a quest to rescue his girlfriend Tanya. On his journey, Wonder Boy picks up fruit and milk for energy and dolls for bonus points. Sega's Wonder Boy was a fantastically playable arcade game which was converted to consoles and computers aplenty. It was renamed Adventure Island and slightly altered for the Nintendo and MSX. Both Wonder Boy and Adventure Island then continued as two separate gaming franchises with numerous sequels. Whereas Wonder Boy follow-ups became more adventure-based, Adventure Island sequels stuck to being arcade-style platformers.

The Sims
PC, Mac, PlayStation, Xbox, GameCube (Maxis, Electronic Arts, 2000, 2003)
EA and Maxiseseseses' life sim gave gamers the ability to direct virtual human beings through their day-to-day lives. From the mundane events like emptying the bin and going for a wee (or just leaving them to piss themselves) to major life events like getting a job or building an extension on your house to turn it into a games room. Another large part of the game was forming relationships, especially romantic relationships. You could get your Sims to fall in love by flirting, chatting, telling jokes, dancing or attempting a sneaky kiss. Once your Sims had taken that first step in the path of romance, it doesn't take them long to decide to have a baby. After making the decision, the conception, pregnancy and birth happens in seconds and a baby in its basket suddenly appears in your front room. The game then becomes all about looking after your virtual sprog, feeding, changing and cleaning them in the hope that the authorities don't come knocking to take it away. So, if you want to imagine what life is like for Will and Kate, create your own make-believe Royal couple and get them to have a baby.

Baby's Day Out
Sega Mega Drive/Genesis (Hi-Tech Entertainment, 1994)
According to movies in the 1990s, parents were shite. They always seemed to forget their kids. The McCallisters managed to lose Kevin twice in two Home Alone films, and in Baby's Day Out, some infant went for a jolly by itself. I guess anyway. I've never actually seen the film in full. A game based on the film Baby's Day Out was programmed for the Sega Mega Drive/Genesis but was never released. In fact, the game was never actually finished, but what does exist of it - you can find it online if you know where to look - is a heap of stinking crap that probably couldn't have been salvaged and turned into anything worth playing. It might explain why a completed version was never put onto a cartridge. The idea of the game is to guide Baby to the exit of each level. You do this by controlling what looks like an angel, who opens doors, moves objects, and basically makes the route safe. The controls are horrible, gameplay is completely unintuative, the graphics dull and depressing, and I don't think there's any sound to speak of. Or I'd forgotten to turn on my speakers when I played it.

Castlevania (NES) - New to Me: Number 9

Castlevania - it all started here....

Game: Castlevania
Format: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developer: Konami
Year Released: 1986 (Japan), 1987 (USA), 1988 (Europe)
Also released on: Famicom Disk System, Commodore 64, Commodore Amiga, DOS, Microsoft Windows, Gameboy Advance 
Now available on: Virtual Console (500 Wii points)

Once upon a time, vampires were the hardmen of horror. They would go around and commit all kinds of socially unacceptable atrocities to satisfy their bloodthirsty desires. If there was any character in fiction that would typify evil, that character would be Count Dracula, the most infamous of vampires. Although Dracula and his cronies seemed to have an unhealthy obsession for young virgins, anything containing blood was fair game to them. Vampires were feared, and quite rightly too. Nowadays though, the reputation of vampires as being Transylvanian terrorists has been tainted somewhat by the popularity of teenage trash such as Twilight and The Vampire Diaries (lots of 't's in that sentence, wasn't actually intentional). In these, the vampires have morals and an awareness of good and bad. They hold upstanding roles in society and prefer to sip from the blood of animals rather than humans. They do well at school, appear to be rather cultured and knowledgable. The Cullen clan in Twilight seem to be a bunch of do-gooding vampire foster kids, all partnering off with each other, in a wimpy vampire version of Home & Away. If only Shannon from Home & Away was in it, it might be more interesting. Or Sophie. Or Angel. Or, er, ahem, where was I? Oh yes, vampires are now pansies. Fortunately, saving us from this current soft image that vampires now appear to possess is Castlevania, a video game featuring vampires in their more traditional guise - as the evil undead.

Entering Castlevania for the first time. The first time of many. Mwahahahahahah!

A cat (or is it a dog) waits to pounce.

Castlevania is a franchise of vampire-themed video games in which the protagonist, usually a descendent of the Belmont family, has to battle with Count Dracula and his assorted pals. Like many long-running game series, the storyline today is as convoluted as can be, with a multitude of story arcs, canons, tangents and diversions that only interest the most die-hard fans. For everyone else, Castlevania is an opportunity to defeat Count Dracula. Or at least, harm him enough so that he doesn't come back for quite a length of time, but hopefully by the time a follow-up is ready. The series began back in the mid-1980s on Nintendo's Famicom Disk System and the MSX 2 as Akumajō Dracula. Although the game on the two systems had the same title and shared a number of similarities, they were also slightly different to each other. The Famicom disk version was slapped onto a cartridge for us westerners and renamed Castlevania, and it is that version that is examined today.

Throwing an axe at a bat.

The 50 Shades of Grey book features a "Red Room of
Pain" (apparently). It was based on this.

Castlevania was a simple platform game - although kind of unique in style - in which you took on the role of Simon Belmont. Simon's quest is simple. Count Dracula has awaken and he needs to be put back to sleep. To get to Dracula, Simon must defeat a number of other enemies, including characters that wouldn't be out of place in Hammer Horror films, such as Frankenstein's monster and The Mummy. The Grim Reaper also makes an appearance. Simon possesses a whip and the ability to carry a second weapon. Initially, the whip is fairly weak and short, but can quickly be upgraded by collecting whip-upgrading power-ups. These power-ups are found by whipping animated ornaments, most often candles. As it doesn't take much effort to actually get the whip upgraded, regardless of where you are in the game, it does seem a little pointless that it needs upgrading in the first place. Although as you progress through the game, losing a life and therefore losing your power-ups, can make battling some of the tougher bosses much more difficult.

An annoying monkey thing is about to bounce around you. Whip the little shit as soon as you can.

Secondary weapons can be collected throughout the game which can be unleashed by pushing up and fire. These include boomarangs, swords, clocks that stop time and axes. You can also collect upgrades that allow you these secondary weapons quicker. Using the weapons is a case of pushing up and fire, so it is sometimes easy for Simon to shoot one off accidentally. That's what she said. Throughout the game you also collect hearts. The number of heart pieces you have collected represents the number of times you can fire the secondary weapons, so it's best saving them up for end of level baddies.

Simon meets his mummy, and his other mummy. He has lesbian parents.

At the top of the screen are two energy bars. One represents your energy, the other represents the energy of the end of level boss, so it doesn't do anything for most of the level. You can replenish your energy by collecting food, which is usually hidden in a platform block or some of the scenery somewhere in a level. In this game, hearts don't increase your health, which is something that takes a small amount of getting used to. Enemy collisions deduct your health.

Medusa's head is on its way. Get the bitch!

There are really only two types of enemies: walking ones and flying and jumpy ones. The walking ones are fairly easy to defeat, although take multiple hits as you get further through the game. The flying and jumpy ones are a pain in the ass though. Medusa's head oscillates its way through the screen, and there are jumpy monkeys and some other weird things that just hop around you and move unpredictably. The controls are ok, but they aren't amazing, feeling a bit stiff and make it a little awkward to time your movements well to avoid collision. A major issue with the game is how colliding with enemies affects you. Simply coming into contact with an enemy is enough to cause Simon Belmont to leap backwards. This becomes frustrating on some levels where if you fall off a platform, you fall to your death. As jumping over some of the enemies isn't always easy, you will find yourself losing lives, somewhat unfairly, all too often.

Duck! Duck now. Oh no, it's a bat.

As the game progresses, it gets extremely tough. This is down to the fact that enemy collisions deduct more and more points from your health. Early levels only see your health deducted by one bar, later levels by four. Added to the additional harm that enemies inflict on you, there are also a lot more enemies to defeat. It's challenging, but also frustrating and doesn't always feel entirely fair. Simalarly, end of level bosses begin by being quite easy to defeat, before getting rediculously tough towards the end.

A big white bird craps out a bald monkey.

The game's appearance is ok. Levels are mostly dark and dingy, although most NES games looked dark and dingy to me. They capture the horror theme quite well, although one level in the middle of the game seems to take place in daylight, which just seems a little out of place. Enemies are fairly well drawn, and Simon's animation is not too bad. The graphics are nothing amazing but do their job and are well suited to the game. Overall presentation is quite good too. The title screen is a fairly standard NES style one, displaying the game's title and little else. The game then shows Simon entering Castlevania before the action begins, and there are little map screens in between each level detaling his progress.

Looks happy, but scary at the same time. Bit like Ronald
McDonald.

As for the sound, the music is quite upbeat, featuring jolly, catchy tunes. Some of these are now classics in the world of video game music, and have gone on to feature in several of Castlevania's sequels and on albums. The music gives the game an arcadey feel, and somehow prevents the game from being seen as overly moody and sombre. Subsequent games retain this kind of soundtrack.

As a franchise that still exists today, it is good to see how many of the ideas the exist in current games began in the very first one. As a platformer in its own right, Castlevania is fun and challenging, if a little frustrating. A lot of 1980s platformers just haven't stood the test of time and are just a chore to play today, but Castlevania is still an enjoyable test of your gaming skills, looking and sounding good too.

It's Skeletor!

RATINGS
Presentation: 75%
Functional presentation which allows you to get into the game easily and suits its purpose well.
Graphics: 72%
Mostly dark and moody and suit the games theme.
Sound: 80%
The birth of some famous video game tunes was in this game. They are typical NES tunes, but not as forgettable as most. 
Playability: 83%
The main character controls well, but is hampered by his reaction when coming into collision with enemies which results in some frustrating and unfair deaths. Gets a bit tough later on, but it's not impossible to complete due to unlimited continues.
Overall: 80%
A high-quality, enjoyable platform game which captures its theme well.

This is a level from the demo seeing as I never got this far into the game when getting these shots.